Lee Nelson: “I’ve got what it takes to be prime minister”

Comedian Simon Brodkin was born in Camden, but his most famous character, the unruly, football-obsessed Lee Nelson, is a South Londoner through and through. As a new Lee Nelson tour kicks off, he caught up with Alex Bellotti to talk football, politics and life in London.

Hi Lee. Many might recognise you for your more… casual dress sense, but your new tour is called Suited & Booted. What’s it all about?

That’s right, I’ve ditched the shorts, cap and trainers and replaced them with a very expensive stolen suit. I just thought it was time to up my game, and after I had my eighth child I felt it was about time I grew up a bit. So I’m bringing a new look, a new outlook and a brand new show for my nationwide Suited & Booted tour.

Recently you entertained guests at the Norwood charity boxing dinner, which the Ham & High sponsored. Are you a boxing fan?

The night was amazing, I’m a massive boxing fan and it was really nice to see someone getting knocked out for a good cause.

Football seems your biggest sporting passion though – last year you were even arrested for pretending to be one of the England football team as they boarded a flight. How was that?

That was a real laugh. The England team were about to fly out to Brazil for the World Cup, so I turned up at the airport in character as Premier League footballer Jason Bent – complete with shark-fin hairstyle, England suit and fake Rolex.

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In fact I did such a good job of fitting in, the next thing I know I’m about to board the plane with the players. So I shouted to Steven Gerrard: “I’ve got my passport, I’ve learned the national anthem and I’m ready to miss a penalty”. That’s when I got carted off. I still think Roy made a massive mistake not taking me.

Why do you want to be a footballer so much?

I can think of about two hundred thousand reasons a week.

You’ve also dabbled with politics in the past and nearly stood for election as an MP four years ago. Who will you vote for at this election?

Yeah I’ve always felt I’ve got what it takes to be prime minister ever since David Cameron left his kids in the pub. So I stood to be an MP when David Miliband buggered off to America coz he was annoyed his brother was more popular than him (which must be well crushing) but I had to pull out after only a few hours as I was told you’re not allowed to stand for election while you have a TV series on the BBC – I suppose it’s to stop anyone from Top Gear ever getting into power. I was pretty gutted to be honest, I was really looking forward to having a second home and claiming millions in expenses.

I’m not sure who I’m going to vote for this election, it definitely won’t be UKIP. They say we’ve got too many foreigners in this country but I’ve done some research of my own and the fact is there’s actually a lot more foreigners in other countries.

Do you have a favourite politician?

Boris Johnson. I love Boris Bikes, I’ve got about six of them at home.

Do you think there are too many posh people at the top in this country?

That’s definitely true of politicians. Most of them went to the same posh, private schools, then to the same posh universities and I’ve actually done a bit of digging around and found out that the biggest scandal is that every prime minister this country’s ever had has lived on the same street.

If you were prime minister, what changes would you make?

If I got into power I guarantee crime and teenage pregnancy would plummet, coz I’d be too busy being prime minister.

What do you think is the biggest difference between north and south Londoners?

If you answer ‘yes’ to the following question then you’re definitely a North Londoner: Have you ever gone for a run… when you’re not being chased?

North or south Londoner, everyone’s welcome along to my brand new show.

Lee Nelson comes to IndigO2 on May 9